As I rounded the corner in my hall, I saw there was a large poster tube propped against my door. The tube was painted with still-drying black and red hearts. Taped to it was a handmade card, with Elizabeth painted in silver and gold, with flourishes and flowers. On the top of the tube was written




The card was signed, Made with love by your mo'fuckin neighbor, George (which is not his name).
I texted him. I love it. I may hook tonight in Hollywood just so I can afford a frame for it.
Meanwhile, in other Valentine's related news, one of my friends gifted his girlfriend a framed copy of his (100% negative) STD results.