sexy mustard

Me: I think you should come to Target with me, to help test the integrity of dog toys for Chaucer.

(no response for an hour - I've already gone and come home)

H: You do?

Me: Woman, I already went, home now. But what do you think of Chaucer's new cock?

(I send a picture of a squeaky rubber rooster)

H: I'm simultaneously fascinated and terrified. Which, by the way, is my favorite state. ...Are you coming out with us on Halloween?

Me: Absospookly.

H: I am going to be sexy mustard.

Me: Is there any other kind, anyway?

H: Yeah. Chinese mustard.

Me: Can I be Spicy Brown, your sassy condiment black-up?

H: mustard in black face???

Me: Yeah, what could possibly be wrong with that?

H: Oh nothing. Completely innocent.  ...I could use a sexy ketchup sidekick.

Me: Ok, but if anyone asks you about "grey poop on", you're on you're own.

H: That's Bryan.

Me: Ahahaha.