weekend o' losses

Thursday last was Art Walk, which I attended in the company of a man who was neither gay nor my ex-boyfriend. In other words, your blogmistress had herself a bona fide date. Hot damn. It was, in fact, date three of four total that I had with this person, and it was pretty awesome overall. And wow was it lovely and fun to kiss someone new. It's been a long time, kids.

Friday night I mostly putzed around both my own home and my girlfriend's, where I was housesitting.

Saturday I went to Pitfire for pizza (for, amazingly, the first time - loved it!) with K. and R., and then jumped on a late train to attend a housewarming/birthday party at the American Cement Building. And yikes was that a small disaster.

The party was for the really sweet and funny friend of Ben's I hung out with at the Skingraft show, and I was surprised and delighted by the invitation, considering I hardly know him. And since I'd just gotten a massive-sad inducing email from Ben telling me that he's going to be living in Bali full time now, with only a few visits a year back to LA, I think subconsciously I thought that hanging out with another of his friends would be some sort of consolation over what I have selfishly and in true Ellie form decided is another Huge Personal Loss.

But when I got to his place, he - the friend - was already totally out of it, and I knew exactly zero other people there. I gamely tried to mingle, but could not get any traction. No love for the Ellster, despite her best efforts to participate in conversations about shit she has no clue (attendees were mostly clothing designers, plus a sprinkling of actors). Super awkward.

Basically, I alternated between sneaking out to the patio to text, harassing the dog (who also rejected me, since I wouldn't give her any birthday cake), and pretending the celery stick arrangement on the refreshment table was the single most fascinating piece of art I'd ever seen. I did this until enough time had passed that I could make an escape without looking like a full-scale social spaz.

You win some, you lose some.

When I did leave, I got all stupid and maudlin and ordered up a serving of my persecution complex, declaring the universe to be Totally Against Me, at least in terms of how it keeps stealing my fucking friends and sending them across state and international borders. I felt all kinds of sorry for myself, and my brief but intense spate of self-indulgence was dramatically underscored by the fact that I was walking by a lake in the freezing night, clutching a long wool coat around me, and listening to Lua.

So cinematic, I am.

Sunday was date four of four. But towards the end of this date and definitely afterward, I got less of a wow, Ellie's a catch and I'm so glad this is happening! and more of a meh vibe from him, which rather deflated my self-esteem. Particularly because I may be oversensitive, but there seemed to be some things about me that didn't jibe well with him. So when he extended what felt like a half-hearted invitation for a fifth date, I said I'd pass. He didn't seem surprised or disappointed, and didn't ask why, so I dunno. Maybe I was right. Or maybe he had other reasons for not being into it. Or maybe I completely misread the whole situation. No idea.

You win some, you lose some.