day 1

I don't talk much about food and nutrition on my blog, mostly because I don't think I have anything unique or helpful to add to the conversation. Like everyone else, I just do the best I can to take care of myself. Some days I'm good at it, and some days I'm not. I'm healthier than some, not as healthy as others. The end.

But last night I made a major resolution regarding my health, and I'm posting about it in an effort towards accountability and goal-keeping. I decided to quit coffee, cold turkey. And I'm nervous about it, but also very excited, because I think this decision has the potential to seriously improve my life.

I drink way, way too much coffee. Several cups a day. Hot and iced. Morning, afternoon, and night. Home brewed and at cafes. And always loaded with cream and sugar. Like, a lot of sugar. An embarrassing amount, in fact. Like, please-don't-watch-me-doctor-up-this-cup-of-coffee-because-you'd-be-horrified-to-see-what-I'm-going-to-do-to-it amounts of sugar.

Why am I doing this, other than the obvious health-related reasons? Specifically, because I am so, so sick of having issues with sleep. And I am so, so sick of having issues with anxiety. And coffee might not be the only culprit behind those problems, but it's definitely not helping. Particularly when I have no self-discipline, and reach for my French press at absolutely any hour of the day. I've always been very sensitive to stimulants, and I know that if I can manage to make this change, I'll really notice a difference in my mood (which right now cycles with alarming dependence on my caffeine intake) and energy level.

I know attempting to quit cold turkey is drastic, and my chances might not be great. But I'm afraid that if I try to cut back slowly, I'll just end up fixating on the next allotted cup. Plus, I'm really, really motived to do this. Anxiety sucks. As does having a completely jacked up sleep schedule that compounds my struggle with depression, when it does hit. I'm already thinking ahead to how good it will feel to have an increased sense of control over my emotions and physical well-being. I want that feeling and that power, bad.

I also have an eye on the more superficial benefits: better hair and skin and nails. I'm almost always in a mild to moderate state of dehydration, and I can see and feel the effects of that. And I hate it. To wax momentarily cheesy, I want my body to reflect the beautiful things I feel on the inside. Vanity may not be the noblest of motivators, but if it's what helps me to be healthier, then whatever, I'm vain. I already knew that, anyway.

So that's it. No more coffee for Ellie. I tossed what was left in my cabinet. All gone.

Day 1. Here goes nothing.