a brief moment of gross self-promotion

Unless you're a weirdo like me and manually navigate to the blogs you read every day, you're probably using Google Reader to follow them. It's what all the cool kids do, I hear.

Well, Google Reader is going to the big content aggregator in the sky on Monday, so that will no longer be an option. And while my honest recommendation is to just quit reading my blog now before I say something to make you hate me, I understand how difficult bad habits can be to break*. And while I absolutely loathe the management aspect of blogging, I recognize that it's a necessary precursor to the rush of narcissistic joy I enjoy when I see an uptick in my readership**.

To that end, I'd like to invite you to follow my blog with Bloglovin. The first five hundred fifty five subscribers will get a free used dog toy, so hurry. 

Of course, there remains the additional, convenient option of having my posts delivered hot off the press straight to your inbox (really! you can set the sordid details of Ellie's latest breakdown to be sent to you immediately upon publication! how totally unnecessary!) via the FeedBurner box over there to your right. No, your other right. Yeah, there.

Ugh, god. I really feel the need to shower after all this self-promotion. I'm sorry. I had to embed the Bloglovin' link in order to "claim" my blog, though (I guess so no one else can try to cash it in for a handful of slap bracelets***). 

Really, I don't give a sugared fig how you choose to consume your Elliequent, because I'll never get over my amazement that anyone wants to consume it at all. However, if you want to take a minute to register and follow me on Bloglovin' just to give me a warm fuzzy or two, I will not stand in your way.

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* Like this one. Not only did I fail to quit coffee, but I've since developed a daily Starbucks habit so egregious that when I walk in the door, the barrista has only to call out "Grande or Venti today, Ellie?" Hahahahasob.

** Honestly, I don't give a fuck about numbers. Quality trumps quantity for me, when it comes to my blog readership. Through interactions in email, on Twitter, and especially on IG, I've come to the conclusion that my few hundred (if even!) readers are THE smartest, coolest, funniest, and most generally awesome blog readers on the internet. And people, I have nothing to gain by kissing your asses. This is not a monetized blog. I just love and appreciate the everloving hell out of every one of you, and am eternally humbled by your interest in my life. 

I will happily trade a thousand anonymous and possibly hostile readers for just one person who takes a minute to say hello to me somewhere through email or on social media, to say thanks for something I've written, or to cheer me on in some capacity. As a blogger I've always enjoyed an embarrassment of riches in this way, and while I haven't always adequately expressed my gratitude for it, I hope never to lapse in doing so again. 

*** Approximate current value: three bracelets.