my pea-sized brain

Last night I fell in love with a man who pretends to be a pigeon on Twitter. That account is hands down the funniest thing I have read in years. I was absolutely dead of laughter. Crying. Chaucer thought I'd lost it.

Last night I also discovered the exchanges between Ricky Gervais and Boring Tweeter (which are also being made into short YouTube videos). Totally hysterical. I feel like an idiot for not having read them before, because I have been following Ricky Gervais for ages. And the only reason I even discovered these things is I performed a large-scale unfollow, in an attempt to de-clutter things enough to actually SEE the stuff I want to see. For the better part of a year now I've tried to get a handle on Twitter, and have been absolutely mystified and overwhelmed by it. I have no clue how people can follow hundreds or thousands of other users. What the holy hell? What's the point? How can they keep track of what that many people are saying, all day long? Yes, lists. I know about lists. Even still, it seems like a lot of work.

About a hundred people were sacrificed in The Great Unfollowing. If you were one of them, please please please do not take it personally. For one thing, I had no idea who I was even following, because the truth is, I was following so many damn people, I'd given up even using Twitter at all. I almost think someone must have hacked my account and just blindly followed everyone back, because I was even following random spammers. It was very WTF. For another, I feel like a big phony following people with whom I have no interaction. I think in some cases I had automatically followed back users who started following me first, lest I feel guilty about not being egalitarian, or fearful of appearing stuck up or something. And if I unfollowed you, it has nothing to do with you. It's just that holy crap social media is overwhelming and, like, loud. And while I've known that there's good stuff to be found on Twitter, I haven't made the effort to find it or (and I know people hate this word, but it's the best one for it, I think) curate the massive helping I've been brainlessly piling on my plate at the all-you-can-Tweet buffet.

Again, I really want to emphasize that I don't mean to seem like an ungrateful asshole if I unfollowed you. And if I were you I'd probably unfollow me to even the score. I'm just an idiot who feels snowed under by social media in general, and I think my best chance of enjoying it is to keep track of a manageable number of accounts that I find entertaining or educational, plus those of the people I've grown friendly with.

I hope you can forgive me my pea-sized brain. Unfortunately I think it's done growing.