pulse

Recently I came across a definition of loneliness that had me scratching my head: It's what happens when we stop expressing how we feel. I didn't understand that at first. Loneliness to me has always been about, simply, a sense of isolation. I never considered how it relates to self-expression.

But I get it now. Because whenever I go a little while without writing, a feeling begins to settle on me that tonight, I realized is exactly that: loneliness. I start to feel disengaged, angsty, lost. And it is a kind of loneliness, because it's me separated from myself - at least, the part of myself of which I am most accepting. So even while I feel secure and happy in my relationships, loved by my boyfriend and close to my friends, there's a dollop of alienation sitting on top of it all, just because I've lapsed on doing the dumb little thing I do, here on memyselfandI.com.

The quickest way for me to feel normal again, obviously, is to just fucking write. Write anything. But sometimes I fall so behind on things I want to write about that I get overwhelmed. I freeze up in the face of the entirely silly and self-conceived blogger's stress of Posts Which Must Be Penned. And I get blocked. And before I know it, dust is collecting on my latest entry and friends are emailing to check for a pulse.

So this is me holding forth my wrist. I swear there's still blood flowing in it, among other things.

Tentatively titled posts in the pipeline:

• In Which My Best Friend Panhandles His Way Into My Birthday Weekend
• Dispatches From An Underground Dance Club 
• Concert Reviews: Eels & Blackbird Blackbird
• WTF, Thyroid? 
• Did You Know My Cute Boyfriend Plays Guitar? Haha, Just Kidding, Of Course You Did ...But Seriously, Look At These Pics of My Cute Boyfriend Playing Guitar

Backatcha soon.