ellien Christmas

Ellien's log, stardate 201412.24


I have successfully infiltrated a dwelling in a populous, temperate region of Earth, coordinates 34.0500° N, 118.2500° W. My stated mission is to observe and document the behavior of a typical adult human female during the annual celebration Earthlings refer to as "Christmas." However, I also hope to gain a deeper understanding of the more specific socioclassification blogger, a bizarre subset with whose psychological expressions I have long been personally fascinated.

Ellien's log, stardate 201412.25


My host body awakens. Thanks to the 24-hour Sub-Wernickian Mind Meld I initiated upon arrival, she is unable to detect my cerebral thought-tap. I note a number of interesting physiological conditions, recorded below:

  • Stress. Immediately upon waking, subject becomes aware of the various tasks she must accomplish over the next several hours, some of which she feels trepidation toward. Subject visualizes herself in various chaotic situations involving burnt food, bored guests, and other scenarios unpleasant to humans.
  • Withdrawal. Subject manifests a clear and urgent need for caffeine.
  • Excitement. As suggested by our observations, the Christmas holiday induces a mild euphoria among humans, perhaps due to the increasingly frenetic rate at which they consume the sugary liquified foodstuff identified as eggnog. I also suspect this effect is triggered by auditory cues, particularly those involving the incessantly broadcast seasonal soundmix, one arrangement of which seems to be permanently lodged in the subject's brainstem. 

Subject and mate engage in gift exchange ritual. There is much bodily contact and high-pitched verbalization. Interestingly, I detect a slight undercurrent of negative emotion in subject's brainwaves.


Subject has removed herself to private quarters. Neural pathways have overloaded and temporarily blocked the thought-tap; however, I am able to shift 30% of the mind meld to the subject's temporal lobe, where several dozen memories have come loose and are now flooding the brain. Subject is experiencing a vast array of feelings which are challenging her ability to remain upright. (Note: I believe this is what is known as a breakdown, a phenomenon hypothesized by our scientists but as yet unobserved.)


Party preparations begin. Subject, in a near-manic state, assembles and cooks a variety of foodstuffs. Mate assists nervously. Alcoholic beverages are consumed and subject eases considerably, though occasionally still emitting verbal imprecations and expressing regret about decision to host assembly in own habitat.


A pair bond of two adult humans arrive at the dwelling. Subject and mate greet the pair bond and another gift exchange occurs. Beverages are prepared, distributed, and consumed repeatedly.


A second pair bond arrives. There are now six adult humans and one animal in the home. The four pair bonded outsiders engage sociably with subject's mate. Subject appears withdrawn and uncomfortable, and often repairs to food preparation area alone. (Later analysis shows a correlation between spikes in thought pattern and certain phrases uttered by pair-bonded outsiders, including "moving" and "San Francisco".) Additional beverages are distributed and consumed.


A ritual of some kind is conducted, involving a large, rectangular cardboard tablet and multicolor totems which are moved across the tablet incrementally. Laughter increases in frequency and intensity. Subject's thought-tap flows with increasingly positive feelings. Multiple bottles of reddish-purple fermented juice are consumed.


The store of reddish-purple fermented juice depleted, subject offers others a pale yellow version, similarly packaged. They assent emphatically. "You guys want me to rinse your glasses first?" she asks. "Oh god no," one replies. "Yeah, don't care at all," says another. Subject nods. "You are my people," she says.


All remaining bottles of fermented juice have now been consumed. Chilled bottles of fermented grain are produced from a sealed metal storage container.


Thought-tap becoming hazy and difficult to access. Suspect correlation to consumption of fermented juice and grain.


All stores of fermented beverages depleted, group decides to remove from dwelling and relocate to nearby sky cave. Short journey to sky cave filled with animated conversation and raucous laughter.


Sub-Wernickian Mind Meld has now expired. Remaining observations compiled externally. Submitting preliminary report to Control, withdrawing from host body and returning to mothership for full debriefing within the hour.