moonlight

Me: Wanna hear something crazy? The last time I went somewhere that wasn't a music festival, a trip with my dad, or going to *bury* my dad was 2009, when we went to Vegas. ...Terence and I just booked two nights in Joshua Tree. A private home, open and spacious, up against this amazing boulder ridge, all to ourselves. We're gonna take LSD and scramble around naked in the moonlight. 

Mason: So...like a music festival?

Me: AHAHAHA

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40th birthday plans, sorted. The original destination was Big Sur, but we waited too long and the place we wanted was booked out. I was disappointed for about five minutes until Terence suggested this alternative, which now I feel even more excited about. Big Sur is so breathtakingly beautiful I don't think I'd want to close my eyes the whole time I was there, much less chase Alice around (to drop a phrase I've no business dropping). Going back to the desert - where I've spent most of my life - for this experience feels perfect. Like I'm bringing an older version of myself along for the ride. We'll see what we have to say to one another.

I tend to tiptoe around the subject of drug use in anticipation of criticism, but I'm dispensing with such coyness for this adventure. I've previously mentioned my curiosity about acid, my desire to try it when the time was right. Well, this will be exactly the right time, the right place, the right partner, and the right circumstances. And I am really, really excited.

I'm pretty well versed in the effects of large doses of psilocybin, so the hallucinatory stuff that might scare some away doesn't spook me. In fact I love it. On those occasions I experience visuals (shifting, morphing, etc), I actually become gleeful, like a kid in a funhouse (assuming it's a kid who likes funhouses). But what I'm looking forward to much more than the interesting external stuff is what goes on internally - what I'll learn about myself.

A couple years ago, a girl who'd taken LSD drew a series of self-portraits over the course of her several-hour trip. Her friend who'd been with her shared the pictures on Reddit, and the story went viral. Looking at the drawings is probably a good litmus test for someone to decide whether or not acid is something they'd want to try. I've shown it to people who've shaken their heads and said Nuh uh. No effing way. And I've shown it to some who've just marveled. When I look at it (and when I read what the artist said as she went along), I grin and get the chills.

I'm fascinated by the idea of seeing new sides of myself, for better or for worse. By the potential for self-discovery and shifts in perspective. I've already experienced this sort of thing with mushrooms - an opening up, creatively and emotionally; Terence has, too. And while I can't predict or control what will happen when I take acid, my understanding from others is that going into it with the right mindset will largely determine how positive or negative my experience is. And my mindset is Let's see what amazing things we can find...

Not to mention: talk about the ultimate date night. They say you feel deeply bonded to those with whom you've taken LSD. That the intensity and depth (not to mention the duration) of the experience is something you only want to undergo with those you love and trust. Check and check. I can't wait to hold hands and take this plunge with the most open-hearted and gentle soul I know.

Also? He doesn't look half bad, naked in the moonlight.