some days

Some days are better than others. The bombs have exploded; the shrapnel, I think, has stopped raining down. The dust is still settling and some days it's so thick we choke on it - but it's survivable.  We started out with very different ideas about boundaries (verboten conversation topics, privacy issues, personal space, etc) but we're working towards a place of mutual respect if not understanding. Household stuff is running as usual. I still cook for us; he still runs errands and walks Chaucer. On the best nights, we both feel so optimistic about our separate futures that we're able to relax and just enjoy one another's company.

He took me to Samy's today, and helped me replace the janky light stands that came in a softbox kit I bought there a couple of months ago. Things started out tense. I was hangry, frustrated with my defective equipment and the setback it's caused, and resentful of the unsolicited advice he was offering. (I hate unsolicited advice.) We got into it about something stupid, something that doesn't matter anymore, and that tension stayed with us all the way to Hollywood. Rode in the elevator up to the fourth floor of the shop. Hovered quietly nearby while the salesperson helped me.

But afterwards we stopped at Whole Foods for soup, and he called to me in French in the middle of the wine section. Viens ici, he said. And then he said some more things, things about how he was trying, and how he'd tried before, too. (I can speak them but I can't spell them, because poor old Duolingo got shanked by Colorfy a couple months ago.) Anyway, it's hard to stay angry when you're standing next to bottle upon bottle of pretty pink rose, in a store bedecked with festive orange lights, and you've got a pint of lobster bisque in your hand. When it's the middle of your favorite month and the light at the end of the tunnel seems particularly bright. And when someone's being sweet, and truly showing care for you as a person.

We laughed on the way home, harder than we have in a while. I told him how nervous sharing all of this here makes me, how it feels like I've painted a target on my back. He's always been good-humored about his "role" on my blog, and many's the conversation we've had about the differences between our real life relationship and the one I've portrayed here. (I like to think there aren't that many; I think he agrees.) Tonight we joked about him doing an AMA, like on Reddit. Anything any reader ever wanted to know.

"Can you imagine?"

"Oh my god."

"I'd be like, 'Hi, my name is Terence, I did two seasons on Elliequent. Ask me anything."

He's out right now, doing something quintessentially Terence. And that makes me happy, for him. And I've got a pair of brand-spanking new light stands to play with. And that makes me happy, for me.