under the rubble

So, what is it like to live with your ex-boyfriend? Well, sometimes it's like this:

Friday Early Afternoon

- The Escape lineup for today is insane, ugh. It's killing me.

- Gah! Can't even look. :/

- Tickets are only $99...

- For Sat or Sun?

- Today. It's today and tomorrow.

- Oh wow! Hmmmmmmmmmmm.


- Can't do tomorrow but...

- OMG I mean would that just be insane? We could just find a motel and crash after... Oh wait, your car's in the shop!

- It's ready! I'm picking it up after work. Is it at the same place as Nocturnal?

- No it's at NOS Events Center, in San Bern.

- Hmmmmmmmm. Starts at 4. Could we buy tickets at the door?

- I'll call and ask.

- This is all very possible.

- OMG. Ok lemme call.

- We would need to figure out hotel and parking. I'll look into that. 

- Yep, we can buy tickets onsite.

Friday Late Afternoon

I will be greatly disappointed if someone, somewhere doesn't eviscerate me for this. 

Friday Evening

Not me. My hood is way fluffier.

Gosh Ellie, it's amazing how interchangeable all your festival photos are. Great work!

No but see this one's a different color, so it needed to be included. 

And when it's like that, it's like that because the things that bound you together in the first place are still there, even if they're buried under ten metric tons of relationship rubble. They're easier to unearth from the rubble when you communicate clearly, from a place of respect and compassion.

But it's not always like that.

Sometimes, it's awful. A maelstrom of hurt that's all the worse because we don't know when it will break - we don't have a move-out date yet. And when it's awful, it's awful because our respective weapons of choice are well-honed, and close at hand. Mine is avoidance, and his - well, I don't know how to characterize his. But it stings.

Really our main conflict concerns boundaries. Terence feels that since we're stuck living together for the time being, "the rule book is out the window". I disagree, and think rules are vital. I'm just not sure what those should be. So we push and pull at one another, moving apart in quick strides then inching back closer when we feel safe to. One day at a time.

If I had to put percentages on it, I'd say we're coming in at 80% peaceful-if-occasionally-uncomfortable coexistence, 15% unresolved tension, and 5% something resembling transcendence. Not too bad, all things considered.

A few days ago we hit the sweet spot, and squeezed out an hour or two of transcendence. In those moments, it is humor that elevates us above the pain of breaking up. Looking at the absurdity of our situation like a sit-com. Laughing about how it must look to our friends, family - even my blog readers - that one day we're at each other's throats and the next we're going to a music festival.

We even took a few selfies in the car to acknowledge it. Shhh, don't tell anyone that we're having a good time, and We're supposed to hate one another. Oops! and Life, amirite??

Last night in San Bernardino we were laughing, too. "Best breakup ever," joked Terence, as our favorite DJ took the stage and we sunk into a familiar, blissful trance. Kind of has a nice ring to it.

One day at a time.