other peoples dreams are boring AF

My dreams lately are an absolute ride. Huge bodies of water, exhilaration where there should be fear. So vivid I wake up with my heart pounding, wishing I could go back. Wishing I was an artist so I could paint them.

--- last month ---

I'm standing at the edge of a massive pier that goes on endlessly behind me. It's so high up over the water the waves move in slow motion; so high I can see the curvature of the earth. It's a bright, sunny day, and there is nothing in this world other than the planked wooden pier and the choppy water below. And I'm diving in again and again. When I jump the fall is so long the wind carries me far from the pier and I have to swim for a long time to get back to it, to climb out. I know there is danger, I know there are unknowns in the blue beneath me -- but I can't stop.

--- recently ---

It's an ocean, it must be an ocean since there are huge whales gliding underneath - but the water is perfectly pellucid all the way down. There's an enormous grey and white mottled whale, covered in thick barnacles. There's another, with markings like a killer whale but the size of a house. There's a third: a smooth, milk white beluga, also outsized. I'm in a tiny rowboat above them, but I know if I slip into the water I'll be safe, they won't hurt me. My friend Mason is there, in another boat nearby. We're not talking, it's too sacred to speak, but we're there together, in thrall of the scene. 

--- this morning ---

Chaucer and I are in a river valley dense with trees. The river is wide, pooling out into spacious lakes -- but at points it winds sharply, so you can only see a small section of it at a time. He gets away from me, goes bounding after two other big dogs. I panic, terrified he's going to get hurt, get into a fight. But instead they play, and in my relief I get distracted by an old man telling me, exasperated, to read the menu again, because I've apparently just tried to order something that isn't available. When I realize Chaucer has swum out into the river and could be swept away, I plunge in after him. I get him out of the water only to come up against a fence. I need to lift all 135 pounds of him over it, to finally get him safe. I struggle, he's so heavy, and when he doesn't clear the wire railing his nail catches and he yelps in pain. I wake up crying but I can't shake the image of the shimmering, sunlit river. I want to be there again, with him or someone like him. 


I needed to look at photos of Chaucer after this dream, and watched some old vids on the insta I made for him. If you don't understand while I'll never, ever, ever get over my dog please just look at how he looked at me.