ancient relics

Every year when I realize it's April 19th, a distant bell rings in my brain: Whoa, I got married on this day, a billion lifetimes ago. And while I toyed with the idea of digging out a photo or two, because my dress was epic and Chaucer as ring bearer was the cutest thing that will ever exist in the universe -- I ultimately decided nah

But before I decided nah, I had half-heartedly pawed through my memorabilia box -- and I found a few things that still make me smile. 

1. For my RSVPs, I wrote and designed these letter-pressed reply cards: 

I ask you: how many people find a way to use the word "beast" on their wedding stationery? Or "coop" for that matter.

2. For my table seating plan, I had assigned each table a number that was pictured - in actual photos - that we took with a vintage typewriter we dragged all over the place. It's kind of hard to explain now, so here's an example:


And no, it doesn't snow in Tucson. We took the damn typewriter with us on a ski trip with friends, just for this one shot. So dumb, I know. But it was 2008 and if your wedding wasn't Creative As Fuck what even was the point?

Anyway I asked my artistic friend Sarah to doodle some stick figure pictures that corresponded to what was in the photos, that would sit on the entry table and guide guests to their seat. Because #fun and #clever. SUPER COMPLICATED AND TRY HARD I KNOW OK?

She did so, and they were adorable...but she also roasted me by first handing in this as her homework:


Note the varying boob sizes and hair styles. 

3. Each table had a truly breathtaking arrangement of pale pink and white peonies, English roses and spring greenery. At the end of the night, naturally all the women wanted to take the flowers home. But they were all in various vintage silver vases and tea pots and things, that I'd been scavenging from thrift stores for months prior. I was happy to send them home with whoever wanted them, didn't really care about getting the silver pieces back.

My friends Molly and Mike took one of the bouquets home, including the silver centerpiece. About a week after the wedding, they sent by mail a ransom note and printed photos of Mike holding the teapot in various threatening poses. It was fucking amazing:



4. Last thing isn't from the wedding, but it's fun and reminds me that my engagement wasn't ALL bad (only like 99%). Before we got married, my fiance and I threw a few absolutely epic parties (he had a huge house). One was a Halloween party that I like to believe remains legendary in Tucson, among the few dozen people who were there. When I say epic, like... every room was intricately themed and designed. I would KILL to have pictures, but this was pre-Instagram and you just kinda lived your life back then.

There was an Exorcist room where I had a life-sized Reagan doll suspended with fishing wire above the goddamn bed (ASK me how long it took to get that bitch aloft, omg). There was a deranged clown bathroom with a bloody shower and mirror, filled with a knife-wielding clown and dozens of colored balloons. There was a creepy "Betrayed Bride" room where I created a whole mystery scene with a half-packed suitcase, a diary with cryptic entries, and a vintage wedding dress (thrift store find) laid out on the bed - also a record player with music from the 40s and flickering lights. But my favorite was the alien abduction bathroom. I changed out all the lights to green bulbs and spent DAYS writing inch-high glyphs in white grease pencil, all across the mirror that spanned the bathroom. It was perfection. Green glow paint all over the shower, green glow sticks, the works. 

The living room was full of traditional decorations, including a huge flying creature hanging from the chandelier (bulbs replaced with flickering LEDs, of course), black light that lit up a white tape pentagram on the floor, and a Gryffindor scarf and broomstick tucked away in a high-up nook near the ceiling. I shit you not: I hired a palm reader to camp out in the office and give readings to my guests for free. There was a sign-up sheet and everything. We had a costume contest, and since I was still dancing at the time the prizes were unreal, first place being a damn iPod (second, IIRC, was a gift card to a steakhouse). 

And all that remains, of all of that, other than my memories of feeling so unbelievably proud of my creativity when my friends arrived and their jaws fell to the floor - is this cute sign from the costume contest:


That is parchment paper that I tea-stained by hand and then burned the edges off of. Please ask how many times I had to redo, because I burned too much off.

Oh, the things we do to be loved and admired.