wanted: gently used space bus

Today's been a ride. 

Zoom call this morning, not a big deal that I pretty much always have to put in a full morning's work on my day off, but on top of that I have two stores' worth of inventory to do tomorrow and I'm already pretty burned out. So I'm low key angry and having trouble finding the gratitude as it is. Then I find out some stuff hasn't been handled correctly by employees who know better, and I lose it. I have one of my classic I cannot fucking doing everything, people mini meltdowns that my boss, who I adore and who gets me 100%, talks me through. In a nutshell I have been triangulating management between myself and someone who should be handling certain things while instead I am, and it's a big unnecessary mess.

My boss and I have a chat about delegating, and I confess to him my fear that the more I delegate, the more I am writing myself out of a job. "If you don't know by now that your job will never be in danger then I don't know what to tell you, Ellie. You are our key link in SoCal. Delegating is how you grow. It's how this stuff works."

Got off the phone and suddenly there was more oxygen in my lungs than has been for months. I didn't realize until we had that conversation just how much that angle has been stressing me out. My boss also assured me that he would address the issue of triangulation so that I would have the support I needed and be freed up to do what I need to be doing. I felt tremendously heard, relieved, and appreciated. I truly cannot say enough how grateful I am to work for the people I do. They are so fucking good at this.

Naturally this all exhausts me to the point of needing a nap, because #emotionaldysregulation. Wake up, have a long call with Brent that totally recharges me. Seriously, is there anything better than a rambling talk with a friend who knows all your shit, knows all the challenges you're dealing with, knows your sads and your happys and you can just trade all those for an hour? Best thing ever. 

But now I'm back to feeling a tightness in my chest, because the first day of my weekend is already over, and really I don't have much to show for it. And I know right now it's eyes on the prize, because I'm a mere two weeks out from hitting Goalpost #1 and that's what's important.

But it is not fair that we have only 24 hours in a day. Someone find me a new planet with, say, 40 hour days, moderate cloud cover and 55 degree weather year round. Going to need to be able to get there by space bus, though, as that's all I've currently got the funds for.