the old one-two

I have been living too close to my life lately. That's what it feels like when I'm too caught up in my daily experiences and feelings to be creative. I've gone through times like this before -- and they always end -- so I'm not terribly fussed about it. But it puts a wall between me and writing. When I'm living too close to my life, I'm tethered in a hundred places to thoughts and emotions that will not be set aside. So it's a fight. 


One of my favorite rules for life is, If it won't matter in five years, don't spend more than five minutes thinking about it. I think the five minute cap is a bit ambitious, but the idea is good. There really is nothing more important in terms of your well-being, in every regard, than what you spend your attention on. People forget this. I forget this. But attention like a muscle that can be trained and strengthened, with time and discipline. And when I'm strong enough to withhold it from negative sources of input (garbage media, toxic people, uncontrollable situations), I try to stop and focus on how good it feels to exert that control. Working on that really hard lately.


I am ever so slowly getting back on the self-care train. With LA dropping all remaining restrictions (including the mask mandate) on the 15th, that has been my soft target date for Being Human Again. For the first half of the year I was singularly, rabidly focused on work and financial goals. It was work-sleep-work for the better part of six months, and I gave myself permission to eat whatever the fuck I wanted, because I just didn't have the bandwidth to think about my body.

Well, that time is over. Back to daily greens and lots of water. Back to working out and a new pair of running shoes. Come at me, festival season (but please come at me slowly).


I had a birthday. It was an Unbirthday, because it slid by with little fanfare. It's so not a big deal to me when that happens. I've had more than enough incredible surprise parties, club nights, and dinner bashes with friends already in my time, and I know there'll be more celebrations in future years. I had to work the day of, but I did get in a quick Zoomie with Brent and Erin. 

It is weird and very dumb how much I love being a Gemini. 


In the past week I've discovered three people that have brought me a ridiculous amount of happiness and inspiration:

1. Actor Brian Jordan Alvarez, whose Instagram character videos are absolute gold. I have now watched and re-watched the Marnie T and Rick collections at least twice. But what has really kills me are his dance videos (YouTube). They are a pure, unfiltered, break-your-face-from-smiling joy to watch. So unbelievably great. Dude is just in his kitchen, in his underwear, having the time of his life with nothing more than a pair of headphones and his love of music. GOALS.

2. Poet David Whyte, who I discovered through Sam Harris, and whose words nearly broke my brain. His reading of Friendship especially shook me and gave me a lot to think about. Go listen and tell me if it doesn't do the same to you. 

3. Feed Me, a British music producer that I am truly alarmed has never come across my radar. Infinitely bummed I'll never get to see his retired Teeth stage, but glad I finally know of this person's existence. So much insane talent.


Happy June, junebugs.