intentions for 2022

Not going out tonight, or tomorrow. It kills me not to, since there are a few really cool events going on, including a 22-hour rave starting tomorrow at 7am. Can you imagine? If you stay all 22 hours you get in free to all events at that venue, the rest of the year. Madness. Wonderful, wonderful madness. Not to mention Jeff Ozmits is playing. Fucking pandemic. I know I'd just be distracted the whole time, thinking about Covid. Gotta be patient. 

At most I will walk over to see the fireworks show at midnight. Okay fine, at most most I will take some shrooms and then walk over to see the fireworks show at midnight. It runs from the Navy Pier along the river to Wolf Point. We'll see.

Yesterday I discovered that below 35 degrees is apparently a threshold for my poor little fingers, which start to lose feeling in that temperature zone, despite the fortune I have spent on shearling lined gloves. When I came home from Millennial Park yesterday, it took 20 minutes for my fingertips to wake up and get feeling back. Super frustrating because no other part of me is uncomfortably cold. It's like, Come on, hands. Don't be the weakest link, you little bitches. But after some experimenting I'm seeing that having those little Hot Hands satchels in my pocket and holding them with my bare hands is actually better than gloves. Probably still going to scoop some heated gloves, anyway. Christ I am turning into such a frail little thing. Sigh

Setting some intentions for the next year, as you do. I've got a pretty good lock on my healthy habits, so I'm thinking a little bit bigger.

1. Match efforts. Effort reflects interest, and that is a fact I have been in denial of, oh, pretty much my entire life. So, absolutely no chasing people anymore. I don't care how long I've known you or how much of a pedestal I've put you on previously. If you can't answer texts, if you can't respond to invitations, if you can't pick up the phone and show basic consideration in terms of communication -- I will match that zero effort. I'm no longer rewarding lazy, intermittent communication. I'm no longer accepting it. Especially in cases where I have gone above and beyond to do things for people, to express care or help them out.

2. Appreciate the big picture. I am exceptionally good at appreciating small and even tiny things. I will sigh with delight over colors, or be blissfully present in a moment of quietude at the lake. But especially lately, I have been doing a shit job of taking in the magnitude of my life. I'm trying to do it right now. I keep reminding myself not to skate past this moment, to just stop and stay here in it as long as possible. I am healthy, happier than I've ever been, and equipped with the resources and skills to only level up my life. It's an incredible time, and I don't want to move past it without celebration. 

3. Chill out, a little bit. As I knew it would be, and as I very much want, moving is an opportunity to recalibrate. I'm ready to slow down a little bit. I can do with a bit less partying. A few less nights out. I was really starting to feel it, the last few festivals. I'm not saying I'll never go again (Group Therapy Weekender is reaaaaaally tempting, and if ODESZA tours with the new album, I will definitely want to see them), but I am more than content to put my dancing shoes up on a less accessible shelf. I'm ready to return to other pleasures and pursue adventures of another kind; in a word: literature. 

4. Get closer to who I really am. When I was a kid, I was wildly athletic. A total tomboy. All I wanted to do was play soccer, or go rollerblading, or jump into whatever game my brother and his friends were playing. When I was a teenager, I was an absolute bookworm. I read a book almost every night throughout high school, a habit that has been more formative of my character, values, and interests than any other. A habit I more or less dropped, when the combination of smart phones and social media started to burn down the wick of my attention span shorter and shorter, until now a few scrolls' worth of Twitter has me feeling saturated. What I want for myself this year: less treadmill, more outdoor play. Less screen tapping and more page turning. More of the me I used to be.

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Whatever you're doing to ring in 2022, I hope you feel full of positivity and optimism, peace and grace. Happy New Year, friends.