content shift

Elliequent Army! You ragtag crew of friends and strangers, allies and admirers, enemies and exes, and everything in between: assemble, for I have news. It is wonderful, beautiful news. You're going to absolutely hate it. 

But if you're a true fan, if you have followed along from the beginning and you honestly care about me, you will at least understand why it is wonderful, beautiful news (even if you still hate it).

Elliequent is changing. Elliequent is changing because I am changing. Because I already have. It began last year, with everything I was going through professionally, socially, romantically, and personally. Everything that nearly broke me, but didn't. Everything that acted as a crucible to force me through an emotional and psychological growth spurt the likes of which would have been really fucking useful at any point in the decades prior. But whatever. By the end of the year, I had changed almost to the point of not knowing myself anymore. Then the new job and Chicago happened, and now I barely even recognize my own life. 

Almost everything is different. I am still me, but I am a newer version of me who looks at herself and the world very differently. And here I am taking stock, reflecting on the past and considering the future, because it's such incredible timing, the way it has all come together at once. A new place to be. A new thing to do. The second half of my life stretching out before me, gleaming and pure and untrodden, like fresh snow inviting me to play.  Asking me, "What's next, Ellie?"

And among the many exciting, explorable responses that have bubbled up is this one: privacy

Friends, I have at long last outgrown my diary. I have at long last outgrown an interest in sharing. I no longer want to talk about the details of my life, at least not in the way I have, lo these many years. And we all know that this is a very good sign for my mental health. It really is wonderful, beautiful news.

It has come over me quickly, this need to draw the curtains and step away from the window. A private life. That's what is next. That is what feels right, as I step into this second story. That is what feels wholesome and safe. That is what feels healthy and mature and sane.

Let's pause here a moment, because this is important. I have heretofore referred to the fact that I am middle-aged rarely if not never. But I am. I am forty-six years old. That's middle-aged. And I had a really, really, reaaaaaally difficult time accepting that -- until about a month ago, when all of this happened. When I got the Chicago offer, empowerment flooded into me like an injection of heroin. And coming here has been even better than I imagined. I feel unstoppable in every way. But no one likes aging, right? Well, I have come to understand that one way I can be even more empowered is to lean into my age. Stop trying to avoid it. Stop denying it. Find what is cool and classy about being in one's forties. Well, you know what I think is pretty fucking cool and classy?

Privacy. Being low key. 

Because friends, I ask you: what forty-six year old needs to be oversharing her life on a personal blog? 

I'm not going away completely. Here's what's going away:

1. I'm no longer going to blog about how I spend my time. I'm not going to talk about bucket listing Chicago, about getting to know my new city. There will be no talk of restaurants, museums, bars, clubs, none of that. For the first time in almost two decades, I'm going to keep my time to myself. Like a very special secret adventure, mapping out my new home, finding my favorites, learning where I love. The idea of having that all to myself, after all these years of sharing everything, it's just...it's fucking exquisite, honestly. Put yourself in my shoes and imagine how exciting and almost illicit it would feel, to go incognito in that way. It's a unique kind of joy I'll get to experience precisely because of this blog. How cool is that?

Same with trips and travel. I yearn for pre-Instagram days, when you just went where you were gonna go and did what you were gonna do. And you know what's crazy? I can have pre-IG days back, if I want. It's as easy as...not using Instagram.

2. I'm no longer going to blog about men. Enough is enough. If I date, I will keep that to myself. If I don't date, I will keep that to myself. 

3. I'm no longer going to blog about work. The client I am working with is weeks out from an IPO and has a valuation of $1B. That's billion with a B. They are the Apple of their industry and deadly serious about protecting their intellectual property. I will not be talking about my work in any regard, ever. 

4. I'm no longer going to blog about friends. Going quiet about my social life. Old friends, new friends, all of it. Taking that all off the table. They have been saints about being trotted through these pages for long enough. 

5. I'm no longer going to share images of my home(s). Self-explanatory. Keeping that sacred from now on.

Basically, no one other than my real life friends is going to know anything about the details of my life. 

Of course, I can't stop writing entirely. It is incredibly important to me. If I don't write regularly, I don't feel like myself. So the awesome upshot of this change is that it will force me to write smarter. Write more creatively. To that end, here's what's not going away:

1. Essays. Anything on my mind, including personal reflections about my emotional life. 

2. Creative writing. All sorts. Heaps of it. Probably going to mostly suck. 

3. Book reviews. I'm hell bound and determined to finish the Pulitzer novels this year. Writing short posts on them holds me accountable and won't let me skip any.

4. Visuals. Any and all. 

Lastly, if you haven't already inferred as much, my Insta is going to get really quiet, too. Stories especially. I feel compelled to just....shut the fuck up and live my life, like a non-blogger. Nice and boring. I hope you can understand where I'm coming from. I don't want to be the Ellie show anymore. I've had enough of that vibe, and now is the perfect time to make a shift. 

I'm still going to be around. Writing, creating, expressing opinions, talking about how I feel and what I think. But I'm feeling raw from years of oversharing details about my life and I need to put up some boundaries. In a nutshell:

What and whom I see and do? Gone. What I think and feel? Staying. 

Thank you for giving a shit. Thank you to those who time and again reach out with support and kindness and encouragement. You are the reason I am here, and I hope you find enough in what remains here with me, to stick around and see who I'm still yet to become.

With love.