Showing posts with label thought exercises. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thought exercises. Show all posts

a potential cure for jealousy

I've fangirled for The School of Life before, and I'm sure I'll do it again. I don't think the importance of emotional intelligence, humility, and self-awareness (all of which SOL triumphs), can be overstated. And this video about flirting is a surprising new favorite.

Historically speaking, I've been a terribly jealous partner. In 99/100 cases (how sad to think there could have been that many!), the jealousy had less to do with feeling genuinely threatened by an interloper than with facing my own insecurities; I am nothing if not well-versed in and thoroughly convinced of my inadequacies.

Watching a partner get chatted up by someone (that I perceive as) more accomplished, more successful, more this or more that - has always been an exquisite form of torture. He likes her more than me. He relates to her more than me. They have more in common. I'm not worthy, and she's helping to make that clear to him. 

Lovely, I know.

Anyway, this video takes the concept of flirting and makes something really sweet out of it.

I love the idea of a "redistribution" of confidence. I love the idea of my boyfriend - of anyone I care about - getting a harmless dose of it. Feeling just a bit more handsome, or walking just a bit taller after a throwaway conversation with a member of the opposite sex.

It's almost comical how quickly this philosophy of flirting dissolved at least one gnarly arm of my own green eyed monster.

bear vs. bear

Would you rather be a grizzly bear or a teddy bear? (For the purposes of this exercise, we're talking about a sentient teddy bear.)

If you were a grizzly bear you'd live wild in the woods. The exhilaration of seasons, fresh air, freedom. But you'd have to contend with all the usual threats: hunters, hunger, encroaching humans, other bears. If you were a teddy bear you'd have a pretty good chance of scoring a cozy home, and a loving child to keep you close forever. Or you might spend your life sitting in a warehouse in China. Or worse - discarded after years of friendship, lost at the bottom of a Goodwill bin.

Because being sentient, that would hurt.

It's a question of risk and reward, and I think it comes down to whether you prize security or independence more. I asked Terence one night over burgers and we fleshed out every hypothetical pro and con we could think of. (Louie and Silicon Valley are on break. We have a surplus of free time in the evenings.)

Anyway, I like to think it's a good sign that I'm firmly in Camp Grizzly - because I wasn't always.